Engagement and the lack there of.

Day 3.

I asked 44 why we’re not engaged yet.

Over a text.

Yeah, most definitely something that should have been done in person. He got upset because I do this all the time. We’ll be together for hours and I won’t say a word about my feelings or a question I have, but as soon as I leave him the texts start.

I know he hates it. I hate that I do it. I think that writing is the only way I can effectively communicate with him. Which, really, isn’t a good thing. I mean we can talk, but as soon as something serious comes up, I shut down and I hate it.

I know why we’re not engaged.

Neither of us is in the financial position to do so. We both have enough baggage for 5 airplanes full of people. Plus stand-by.  We both have kids and we have to do what’s right for them as well as ourselves.

We have completely different parenting mind sets. I believe that my kids should be raised to be independent, contributing members of society. Not to say that the way he and his ex are raising their son is wrong, by any means. His kiddo is an amazing, sensitive, sweet kid.

He’s just…I don’t want to make this sound negative, coddled? I guess is the right word. I’m the opposite. I don’t want my children to rely on me for everything. They can make their own breakfast, they know to take a shower every day, and they can get dressed without me standing over them, even my baby, who is 7. 44’s son still has to be helped in the morning from waking up to getting out the door. And he’s the same age as my oldest.

I know that his son is going to be an amazing adult, I truly do. But can the 5 of us live under the same roof and raise our kids completely different?

That’s what I think is holding us back the most. We have an immense love for each other. He’s amazing to me, to my kids, to his kid and family. He loves me, for the most part, just the way I am. Sometimes the crazy comes out a little wacky, but he deals with it.

I don’t even think I want to be ‘ENGAGED’, all I want is something to signify that he wants to spend his life together. Doesn’t have to be an engagement ring. But something that’s solid and will last. So, a metal ring. Metal ie. Silver, gold, titanium, so that it’s meant to last through time. And a ring because it’s a circle, he whole circle of love, blah, blah, blah.

Later loves!